Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
Shop deviantART for the
holidays and save BIG!
Click here! :holly:
[x]

deviantART

 

Love Song of the Other Half by ~MsCellanea:iconMsCellanea:



You said you had defined yourself
In the crooks of my elbows, in the angle of my nose.
I looked in the mirror and found the curves of me
To be very much my own.

. . .

I would catch your eyes from across a room,
Across an ocean and beyond a beach,
And hold them there for precious, fragile seconds
In a dire reluctance to move
Lest my return be skewed, construed as something
More than coffeepots or the metal feet of desks.

. . .

Burn pictures of me now as the fog rolls in on mouse feet
Pray to God and science that they can lead you
Drag you
To a warmer paradise
Because my curves are not for you, dear.
My self is not for you.
©2007-2009 ~MsCellanea
:iconmscellanea:

Author's Comments

Written over a progression of days in my dear Spanish class. I keep telling myself that poetry will be my downfall, and yet I still manage to slide in with the good grades. As is life.

Unrequited love sucks. Most of my experiences come from being the Unrequited Lover. This isn't too polished, but I liked the concept of exploring the side of the Object of Unrequited Affections.

(Though I have to say, if some gentleman told me that he had defined himself in the crooks of my elbows and the angle of my nose, it'd be rather difficult to not requite that one *cue swoon*)

EDIT: Oh my goodness. I'm unworthy! A DD? I could probably go on about how I danced around my room and woke up my family and can't stop shaking, but that would be rather boring. So I'll just let all of you know how much this means to me. This comes at one of the most difficult times of my life, and over the past few weeks, I felt like my writing was slipping farther and farther away from me. There is no way for me to fully describe how wonderful this is.

Thank you so much to :iconpoeticwar: for featuring this piece.

And I suppose while I've got this little bit of spotlight, I urge everyone to go check out :iconfotofriday: and :iconwordcount:. Both are fabulous additions to the lit community here at deviantART, so check them out!

To all of you who left the kind words and wonderful comments, it means the world to me. I have no idea when I'll be able to respond, but they're very much appreciated.

Daily Deviation

Given 2007-10-14

Love Song of the Other Half by *MsCellanea is a fairly unusual twist on the more common romantic poem set-up. (Featured by `PoeticWar)

Comments


love 5 5 joy 0 0 wow 2 2 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconypres:
I hope no imaginary unrequited love of mine is thinking such thoughts, though with the level of sap that goes into some of my stuff, it's probably hard not to.

My favorite is the first stanza - it really encapsulates the idea that you have, especially the contrast between his (kind of silly) descriptions and the narrator's self-description. The last line of the second stanza would work better if you had set up the image a bit more, I think, though that my own personal preference speaking. I like the "lead you/ Drag you," idea, although I think you could do it without giving the second half have a whole line to itself. And the last two lines are fantastic. I love this poem (and may it love me back :) )

PS: The title is genius.
:iconmscellanea:
Well thank you! And I appreciate the feedback. The second stanza has been bugging me a bit, so I'll get to that at some point in time. There's always time for poetry.

And I'm sure it loves you back. :D

--
Do something wild today.
:iconmscellanea:
Oh, and I forgot to thank you for the fave! You're awesome.

--
Do something wild today.
:iconmusicgrl12589:
Lol that was pretty much amazing. I love the first two lines so much.

--
[link] Writers Club
:iconaleire:
Melanie Brown, the comment is late in coming but you are simply amazing. And I agree that unrequited love sucks, although I'm not sure which side hurts more -_-.... But seriously, Melanie = asombrosa (amazing)

.........muffin!
:iconparadoxicalshaman:
wow, very nice composition
I looked in the mirror and found the curves of me
To be very much my own.
- this line really did it for me, i got the sense of voice clear and clean

however, the internal rhymes of
skewed, construed.. sort of distracted me.. great poem :)

--
- the faith of wind, betrayed by the trust of birds -
:iconashenden:
The first stanza did it for me. I was hooked instantly. Great job with working the visuals.

--
A good photograph is knowing where to stand
- Ansel Adams

Member
[link]
:iconbloo-jelly:
Very, very pretty! I love it :3

--
"Six hours later, I hadn't written a thing. But I did win 7 out of 245 games of solitaire. I felt I achieved something in the end."

Proud Enemy of the Mysongynistic Dolphin Cult.
"It's not revenge if you don't win!!"
:iconlynnelle:
This is really beautiful!!! :clap:

--
look, stare and just walk away
:iconllrael:
This is totally off-topic, but I love your signature.
Solitaire is the ultimate procrastination tool.

--
"..let him deceive me as much as he likes, he can never cause me to become nothing, so long as I think I am something."
~ René Descartes

I believe in Lord Belial the Unbound as my Saviour. If you do too, copypasta for great justice.

Details

September 4, 2007
866 bytes

Statistics

74
261 [who?]
6,252 (0 today)
31 (0 today)

Site Map